It is now obvious we will be politically preoccupied with the Lewinsky Scandal for a least a year before any sort of closure will be possible. In my view this universally embarrassing story should be brought a conclusion as soon as possible. To accomplish this we need a punishment which can satisfy the hue and cry for justice but allow Bill Clinton to remain in office.

Since Clinton has already survived horrible humiliation apparently unscathed politically, perhaps it is time for a final indignity if he wants to remain President so badly. The beauty of this punishment is it is sure to satisfy those lusting for Clinton's head. We can give them what apparently so many have lusted for before, his penis.

Now this may seem to be at first blush a shocking idea, but a Presidential castration would punish the guilty, avenge the wronged without needing to continue the impeachment process. This will have the added benefit of ending all further speculation about Bill Clinton's love life. Unfortunately for the national economic indicators, this will result in the unemployment of an army of talking heads obsessed with this barnyard story. They will be replaced no doubt, by experts who can discuss the Presidential punishment with the same professional zealotry their predecessors exhibited in the ruination of the President. We could watch the detachment of the Offending Presidential Member (OPM) in living color while being kept informed in exquisite detail by witless wisemen. This would be a public spectacle worthy of ancient Rome, the Inquisition, Nazi Germany, or the Taliban. After all, "We're Number one", right. This fits with the 'take no prisoners' attitude of the Republicans and should serve to satiate even their blood lust. The Republicans could finally feel avenged. What could satisfy the right wing more than a dick for a Dick. Even Jerry Falwell will have to make peace.

Oh! How we will swoon at the first incision. Or should we hack it off, just one whack with a cleaver. Maybe a cigar cutter would be a more appropriate device, preferably dull, so the procedure will be as long and unnecessarily painful as this scandal has been. How would the OPM meet its end, head held high or apologetically withdrawn? Which position would be politically correct? This will be a subject for endless conjecture and pontification, again good for ratings. Could we get an opinion from Monica?

Does anyone find this imagery disturbing? Please forgive me, but tastelessness is the primary attribute of this story. Why not have the guts to demonstrate true barbarity? I doubt even this bloody horror will compare with the intolerance, bitterness, incivility and basic meanness, which underlies the current state of political affairs. A truly barbaric spectacle might provide ballast to the media, which resembles a ship rolling out of control, awash in a sea of titillation and blather, not that this is new.

Newt Gingrich has master minded this great criminal investigation. There is only minor problem. The inconvenient lack of complaining victims. What to do?

Hillary and Monica, thanks to their involvement with Bill Clinton, have been subjected to some of the worst public humiliation ever inflicted on any women in history. If Gingrich expects any help from them he understands nothing about women. Why not continue to ignore their pitiful cries for mercy and punish them for helping the Republicans make sleaze a substitute for substance in national affairs. Monica after all, has a taste for humiliation, A taste Uncle Bill seemed to like cultivating, though it must have surprised even randy Billy to what depths a special prosecutor and a Grand Jury could drive her. Congressional hearings should be even better.

But to return to the benefits of a castration. The Speaker could keep the OPM floating in a glass jar at a corner edge of the House podium. Just think of the satisfaction the Republican's would have, and the unease inflicted on Democrats, when it quivered, squirmed, and trembled every time Mr. Gingrich brings down his massive gavel to silence lesser members.

What a prize this will be. This should not be given to the Smithsonian to be stored in some dusty display with the Blue Dress, cigars, and thong underwear. It should become a permanent addition to the Speaker's rostrum, a cautionary tale for any future Presidents who must govern with a congressional minority. A mute shriveled testament to the idea that no one, particularly a minority president, is above the law. At least law as enforced by the majority. This will be an unmistakable reminder of past and potential cruelty of the majorities in our democratic system. This may be the potentially fatal flaw in our system of government. Is it possible something profound will yet emerge from this tawdry episode?

Will the OPM become a great trophy of the Republican Revolution or a reminder of its triviality? It is doubtful the Democrats could have maneuvered the Republicans to this point of ideological collapse. The Republicans did it all on their own.

Is there anyone left in Washington who has the slightest care about whatever shreds of public dignity may remain for a government which has rendered itself obscene? But dignity implies a sense of shame, something apparently in very short supply on the Potomac.

The Republicans have overcome shame with gloating and the President in his arrogance ignored its necessity as a requirement his office. Let him pay the price.

Off with his OPM.

Dateline: Halloween 2010.

After a Congressional session devoted to saving Hedge Funds, abolishing social security, and eliminating the minimum wage.

It has been reported the OPM has become enlarged and has pointed itself with evident yearning in the direction of the Blue Dress.